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Features for Senior Citizens
Decline in Divorce May Be Attributed to Aging U.S.
Population
Less divorce happening if a higher percentage of
people are in their older years
 Aug. 31, 2007 - Thanks to a seemingly unending
barrage of studies and related media reports, most are familiar with the
widely touted statistic that one in two marriages end in divorce. More
recent data, however, suggests that the widely touted 50/50 ratio is
leaning more in favor of marital success than it once did. Although
exactly why the numbers are shifting in favor of marriage is not
something most researchers can precisely pin down, most seem to agree
that after more than 100 years of rising divorce rates in the U.S., that
number dramatically decreased around 1980.
Dr. Janet Belsky, an expert on lifespan development
and professor of psychology at Middle Tennessee State University, said
that one thing to consider when surmising why the divorce rate seems to
be slowing considerably is the overall age of the population.
“As food for thought, perhaps a good deal of
decline in the divorce rate is just due to the aging of the population,”
she observed. “People tend to get divorced when they are younger, so
naturally, you would have less divorce happening if a higher percentage
of people are in their older years.”
According to one reported cited in The New York
Times, researchers have said that about 60 percent of all divorces
ultimately come to an end during the first decade of marriage.
However, per the same study, when it comes to
college graduates, the divorce rate for this group during the first 10
years of marriage has dropped to just 16 percent for those who married
between 1990 and ’94; that’s down from 27 percent of those who wed
between 1970 and ’75.
Belsky is among those who are not surprised by the
possible correlation between more education and the decline in divorce
numbers.
“As a lifespan teacher, I always take a poll to see
what percentage of my (college) students have had parents who divorced,
or have grown up in a single-parent family, because it’s typically about
50 percent,” she said.
“(My students) are well aware of the depressing
divorce statistics and they’re vitally interested in how can they choose
the right person? How can they make marriage last?
“One big change I see is that students now feel
that it’s not appropriate to get married at a young age,” she continued.
“I see college students expressing that you need to
put off marriage until you are well-established in your career. In other
words, today marriage actually comes last as an adult transition, and
sometimes even well after a baby has arrived.
“When you elevate marriage as something to do after
you ‘get your life together,’” Belsky said,
“I believe you actually make it more important.
It’s then something that’s been carefully considered. You just don't
rush into having a wedding for a weddings' sake.”
Consequently, reasoned Belsky, having “a thoughtful
approach” toward marriage helps make one “more likely to ‘stay the
course’ and usually results in being committed to staying married”—never
minding, of course, that “the research also shows this results in a
lower chance of getting divorced.”
Nonetheless, per one twice-divorced single mom, the
lack of a college education had nothing to do with her divorces, she
said, but prolonged bitterness, repeated physical and emotional abuse,
and cheating did.
Now 42, Lorie Mitchell admitted married young when
she left high school for California, where she wed her first husband,
David, then 20 and in the military, only a month after she turned 18.
“We went to a month of counseling classes before we
got married to make sure we were wanting the same things in life, that
we didn’t have different agendas,” she said. “It really was helpful and
it made us think, and if you’re open to it—and we both really were—it
helped us be able to go home and really talk about things. We knew
(marriage) wasn’t going to be easy from the beginning, but we both
wanted it.”
In spite of their youth, Mitchell said, both she
and her husband initially were “very committed to the marriage.” Looking
back now, though, she said she was “too idealistic and too willing to
forgive things I shouldn’t forgive over and over and over again.”
After the couple had children, Mitchell was torn
between preserving the marriage for the sake of their two young sons or
living with behaviors she found difficult to endure.
“We did bring up the idea of marriage counseling
again, but by the time we did, it was too late then. There was too much
water under the bridge, we’d said too many nasty things,” she recalled,
“You can’t take that stuff back, but I think if we had gone (to
counseling again) sooner, before the bitterness set in so deeply, it
would have made a big difference.”
In her mid-20s, Mitchell married again and had
another son during that marriage, but unfortunately, it was a far more
tumultuous union than her first. In fact, if not for a rapid rescue by
her oldest brother John, who is now a sheriff’s deputy, Mitchell is
adamant that she most likely would have lost her life as a result of the
extreme abuse she suffered.
“I won’t forgive endlessly now, but when I was
young, I put up with more,” Mitchell said.
“Having children made me more forgiving, because I
wanted my children to have a father, but at the same time, after I had
children, my sights were set higher in regard to relationships and who I
would want around my children.”
A single parent for the past 10 years, Mitchell’s
youngest son graduated early, at 17, in May. And it’s only quite
recently, she said, that she’s begun to steal time away from parenting
to date again.
“I’m older now, and I’d be just as committed to a
romantic relationship today as when I was younger, but my heart is
harder,” she conceded. Additionally, not unlike many single women her
age, Mitchell isn’t so sure marriage is something she’d ever do again.
“I’ve been married twice and it didn’t work in
spite of my dedication to it, so my view now is the paper, the marriage
license, doesn’t make a difference,” she said. “Plus, I expect more now,
because I’ve accepted some really bad behaviors in the past. … I even
did individual marriage counseling—counseling on my own when my husband
wouldn’t do it—but I really don’t see a need in marriage for me anymore.
“I am still a big believer in counseling,” she
added, “and you have to be totally honest to do any kind of counseling,
and I believe in marriage, but for me, I don’t see a need.
“If my kids were younger and still needed a
significant male in their lives, then I’d consider it, but they are
already grown,” she reasoned. “I’m not looking for a father and for a
mate, I am looking only for me at this point. My children will be
friends with someone I chose to have a relationship with, but he would
not be their father.”
With two failed marriages and three grown children
added to her life experiences, Mitchell—as well as many others—“are more
practical and knowledgeable” when it comes to weighing the pros and cons
of marriage these days, Belsky said.
“For instance,” the professor observed, “while my
students still want to find their passionate soul mate, they really
understand that passion wanes after the first few years. They also
understand that you have to marry someone who shares your values, and
it’s important to find a person who is together and knows how to love.
“Plus, when you get married in your late 20s or
30s, you are more likely to stay with a partner simply because you have
had ample time to have those horrible dating experiences--you don't have
a fantasy about who or what is waiting out there in terms of the single
life.
Today’s 20somethings, Belsky said, realize “that
just being carried away by romance is a total no-no. And don't neglect
the role here of peer pressure. After all, your friends will think you
are an idiot for making that irresponsible choice.”
Still, suggested the professor-turned-author, “In
the long run, there may be fewer divorces because people are more
reluctant to get married in the first place; they don't feel they ‘have
to get married’ just to be married. Today, there are so many
alternatives such as living together, so people put the bar much higher
for entering that (marital) state.”
Baby boomers especially, she said, may be reluctant
to wed if they’ve already “been there, done that” and have children.
“Getting married in your 50s, and particularly for
women, really doesn't make all that much sense to some. You are either
used to the single life or, for both men and women, it makes much more
sense to just live together,” she said, “because there is no reason—such
as children--to actually get married at all.”
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