|
E-mail this page to a friend!
Features for Senior Citizens
Senior Citizens Provided Helpful Advice on What to
Do on Death of Spouse
Institute on Aging offers free 'Mourning
the Death of a Spouse'
 Aug. 1, 2007 – The latest edition to helpful
information for senior citizens from the National Institute on Aging is
Mourning the Death of a Spouse. This new publication provides
useful and practical advice on topics ranging from reactions to death to
taking charge of life again. The brochure covers many facets of mourning
and learning to live without a partner. Read the information below.
Mourning the Death of a Spouse
When your spouse dies, your world changes. You are
in mourning—feeling grief and sorrow at the loss. You may feel numb,
shocked, and fearful. You may feel guilty for being the one who is still
alive.
If your spouse died in a nursing home, you may wish
that you had been able to care for him or her at home. At some point,
you may even feel angry at your spouse for leaving you. All these
feelings are normal. There are no rules about how you should feel. There
is no right or wrong way to mourn.
When you grieve, you can feel both physical and
emotional pain. People who are grieving often cry easily and can have:
● trouble sleeping
● little interest in food
● problems with concentration
● a hard time making decisions
If you are grieving, in addition to dealing with
feelings of loss, you may also need to put your own life back together.
This can be hard work. During this time, you may be surprised by some of
your feelings, but they are a part of mourning. Some people may feel
better sooner than they expect. Others may take longer. As time passes,
you may still miss your spouse, but for most people the intense pain
will lessen. There will be good and bad days. You will know that you are
feeling better when the good days begin to outnumber the bad.
For some people, mourning can go on so long that it
becomes unhealthy. This can be a sign of serious depression and anxiety.
If your sadness stays with you and keeps you from carrying on with your
day-to-day life, talk to your doctor.
What Can You Do?
At the start of your grieving, you may find that
taking care of details and keeping busy helps. For a while, family and
friends may be around. But there comes a time when you will have to face
your new life alone.
Here are some ideas to keep in mind:
● Take care of yourself. Grief can be hard on
your health. Try to eat right, exercise, and get enough sleep. Avoid bad
habits such as drinking too much alcohol or smoking that can put your
health at risk. Be sure to take your medicines as your doctor ordered.
Remember to see the doctor for your usual visits.
● Talk to caring friends. Let your family and
friends know when you want to talk about your husband or wife. It may
help to be with people who let you say what you're feeling.
● Join a grief support group. Sometimes it helps
to talk to people who are also grieving. Check with hospitals, religious
groups, and local government agencies to find out about support groups.
● Try not to make any major changes right away.
It's a good idea to wait for a while before making big decisions like
moving or changing jobs.
● See your doctor. If you're having trouble
taking care of your everyday activities, like getting dressed or fixing
meals, talk to your doctor.
● Don't think you have to handle your grief
alone. Sometimes short-term talk therapy with a counselor can help.
● Remember your children are grieving, too. You
may find that your relationship with your children has changed. It will
take time for the whole family to adjust to life without your spouse.
● Remember—mourning takes time. It's common to
have rollercoaster emotions for a while.
Do Men and Women Feel the Same Way?
Andrew, age 73, felt like the wind had been knocked
out of him when his wife died. He began sleeping all day and staying up
at night watching TV. Meals were mostly snacks like cookies and chips.
He knew it wasn't healthy, but he didn't know what to do. Across town,
Alice woke up in a panic. It had been 5 weeks since Jeff, her husband of
41 years, died. She cared for him during his long illness. How was she
going to cope with the loneliness?
Men and women share many of the same feelings when
their spouse dies. Both may deal with the pain of loss and both may
worry about the future. But because many couples divide their household
chores, there can also be differences. For example, one person may pay
bills, clean house, and handle car repairs. The other person may cook
meals, file income taxes, and mow the lawn. This splitting up of jobs
works well until there is one person who has to do it all.
Some men are at a loss when it comes to doing
household chores. But these jobs can be learned over time. Men are
sometimes surprised when they're widowed. For those men who are both
widowed and retired, grief may cause depression. If you or any family
member is having this problem, see your doctor. Treatment can help.
Facing the future without a husband can be scary
for some women. Many have never lived alone. Some women will worry about
money. Women who have never paid bills or balanced a checkbook will need
to learn about managing money.
Women may also worryabout feeling safe. It's a good
idea to make sure there are working locks on the doors and windows. If
you need help, ask your family or friends. You'll need to get in the
habit of taking care of your house and car. It takes time, but it can be
done.
Taking Charge of Your Life
After years of being part of a couple, it can be
upsetting to be alone. Many people find it helps to have things to do
every day. Write down your weekly plans. You might:
● Take a walk with a friend.
● Go to the library to check out books.
● Volunteer at a local school as a tutor or playground aide.
● Join a community exercise class or a senior swim group.
● Be part of a chorus.
● Meet with old friends.
● Sign up for bingo or bridge at a nearby recreation center.
● Think about a part-time job.
● Join a bowling league or a sewing group.
● Offer to watch your grandchildren or a neighbor's child.
● Consider adopting a pet.
Some widowed people lose interest in cooking and
eating. It may help to have a noon meal at a senior center, cafeteria,
or with friends. When home, some people find that turning on a radio or
TV during meals helps with loneliness. For information on nutrition and
cooking for one, see the General Nutrition Resource List for Seniors at
www.nal.usda.gov/fnic/pubs/olderadults.htm or look for helpful books at
your local library or bookstore.
Is There More To Do?
When you feel stronger, you may need to think
about:
● Writing a new will.
● Looking into a durable power of attorney for legal matters and a
power of attorney for health care in case you are unable to make your
own medical decisions.
● Putting any joint assets (such as a house or car) in your name.
● Checking on your health insurance as well as your current life, car,
and homeowner's insurance.
● Signing up for Medicare by your 65th birthday.
● Paying state and federal taxes.
When you are ready, go through your husband's or wife's clothes and
other personal items. It may be hard to give away these belongings.
Instead of parting with everything at once, you might make three piles:
one to keep, one to give away, and one "not sure." Ask your children to
help. Think about setting aside items like clothing, a watch, favorite
book, or picture to give to your children or grandchildren as personal
reminders of your spouse.
What About Going Out?
Lillian felt lost. Widowed at age 71, she kept
seeing the same couples that she and her husband, Ray, had always liked.
But without Ray she felt out of place. How could she enjoy going out
when she felt like a "fifth-wheel"?
Having a social life can be hard. It may be scary
to think about going to parties alone. It can be hard to think about
coming home alone. It may be even harder to think about dating. Some
people miss the feeling of closeness and affection that marriage brings.
Here are some things to remember:
● Go slowly. There's no rush.
● It's okay to make the first move when it comes
to planning things to do.
● Try group activities. Invite friends for a pot
luck dinner or go to a senior center.
● With married friends, think about informal
outings like walks or movies rather then "couples" events that remind
you of the past.
● Find an activity you like. You may have fun and
meet people who like to do the same thing.
● Remember that friendship can come in many
forms.
Don't Forget
Take care of yourself. Get help from your family or
professionals if you need it. Be open to new experiences. Don't feel
guilty if you laugh at a joke or enjoy a visit with a friend. You are
adjusting to life without your spouse.
Order Free Copy of Brochure
For a free copy of this Age Page and other useful
health information, contact the NIA Information Center at 1-800-222-2225
or visit
www.nia.nih.gov.
The NIA is the leading federal agency supporting
and conducting biomedical, social and behavioral research and training
related to aging and the diseases and special needs of older people.
The National Institutes of Health (NIH) — The
Nation's Medical Research Agency — includes 27 Institutes and Centers
and is a component of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
It is the primary federal agency for conducting and supporting basic,
clinical and translational medical research, and it investigates the
causes, treatments, and cures for both common and rare diseases. For
more information about NIH and its programs, visit
www.nih.gov.
For More Information
Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services
7500 Security Boulevard
Baltimore, MD 21244
800-633-4227 (toll-free)
877-486-2048 (TTY/toll-free)
www.medicare.gov
Eldercare Locator
800-677-1116 (toll-free)
www.eldercare.gov
USA.gov
www.usa.gov/Topics/Seniors.shtml
Social Security Administration
6401 Security Boulevard
Baltimore, MD 21235
800-772-1213 (toll-free)
800-325-0778 (TTY/toll-free)
www.socialsecurity.gov
US Department of Agriculture
Food and Nutrition Information Center
10301 Baltimore Avenue, Room 105
301-504-5719
301-504-6856 (TTY)
www.nal.usda.gov
For more information on health and aging, including
nutrition, exercise, and sleep, contact:
National Institute on Aging
Information Center
P.O. Box 8057
Gaithersburg, MD 20898-8057
800-222-2225 (toll-free)
800-222-4225 (TTY/toll-free)
www.nia.nih.gov
Visit
www.nia.nih.gov/HealthInformation to order publications (in English
or Spanish) or sign up for regular email alerts.
Visit NIHSeniorHealth.gov (www.nihseniorhealth.gov),
a senior–friendly website from the National Institute on Aging and the
National Library of Medicine. This website has health information for
older adults. There are also special features that make it simple to
use. For example, you can click on a button to have the text read out
loud or to make the type larger.
Click to More Senior News on the
Front Page
Copyright: SeniorJournal.com |
